I am soo thankful for the time I have had to rest over the past few days.  Its amazing what good a few days of rest will do you!  I feel sooo much better.  Then, I have gotten my house all clean which is super nice!  Tomorrow I am having one on ones at my house for BeautiControl. I’m offering a summer sale to my clients and I have had 4 make an appt. to come and see me.  I pray that the sales are good.  I need the money to go to Celebration for BeautiControl at the end of the month. I know God will provide as this is important to my business.  I’m thinking much more clearly and am thankful for that!

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Still hanging in there

 

I went to the GYN yesterday.  Everything was fine there thank the LORD.  I began telling him about getting on the medication for my anxiety because hubby and I have talked about having another baby in the near future I was concerned about being on the meds.  He listened to the situation as he was asking how it came about that I got on them and everything and he said that he honestly thought I wouldn’t be able to get off the medication until I removed myself from the church and the situation there. I agreed with him on that and so many things that happened yesterday point to that.  THen today i have already had several phone calls from friends and family saying that they felt they needed to call and let me know that they were praying for me. This was just out of the blue and totally showing me that I am going to be taking that leap of faith.  I am trying to work my BeautiControl business making phone calls this afternoon.  I am doing a summer clearance sale.  If you need anything let me know!  Thanks! And thank you all for your constant prayers! Alyssa

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The committee and I met again yesterday.  They are going to go before the church on my behalf and let the church know what is going on, how I felt I had to resign because I had no help and support.  Then they will take our proposal before the deacons and try and get me some more money, support and respect basically is what it boils down to.  I’m not sure how its going to turn out, or even if all this is worth it.  But, I will at least get time to think about it as they are asking for me a 3 month paid sabbatical.  I hope that they do at least that much as I really need the time to think and weight the pros and cons. RIght now I am not thinking clearly and I know that I need time for everything to clear up in my brain!  I am wanting to do BeautiControl for the next 6 months and do a good job.  I’ve taken the 10% growth challenge and I need to do some great sales this next week!  I”m going to try and focus on that instead of focusing on church.  Getting my mind off everything will hopefully help my situation.  We shall see.  Again, if you’re a praying person pray for me as I have to go through this time and make hard decisions about the future.

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Last night, I met w/ the YOuth and Children’s committees to tell them I just could not do my summer program this summer.  And that I felt that I was going to have to resign as soon as Jim, our chairman of deacons returns from vacation in another week. He’ll have been gone two weeks.  Yesterday I went the DR. and told her everything that had been going on and the problems I continue to have.  She prescribed Lexapro and I am going to take that for a few weeks to see how it works.  I did NOT want to be on medication for my anxiety but it looks like it was absolutely necessary.  I have tried praying about this fervently, I have tried counseling since March, but it is still ALL I think about.  I squalled the entire meeting and the people in the meeting were very understanding.  They did not want me to regret my decision so they are going to ask the church to give me a paid sabattical.  That is if I choose to ask for that.  They will also ask the church for certain conditions to change once I return. I am planning not to return unless they do meet some of my needs.  I told them that I really needed a raise.  There are other things I know and I have to think long and hard about what they are.  I am going to make a list and we are going to meet again on Saturday to discuss it.  Please keep me in your prayers.

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It’s Official, I’m going to take that leap of faith. I am resigning this Sunday night.  I am calling a committee meeting to let those know first, I haven’ t decided if I”ll read my letter of if I”ll just let someone else.  I would like to but Greg, my husband, says he doesn’t’ want a scene or a big hoopla so to not do that.  I personally want to read it as I want them to know I’m sincere. I think I”ll ask the committee their opinion.  Greg can stay home that night if he so chooses, but this is something I have to do.  I am completely going to be relying on God to show me what to do next.  I cannot focus though with this weighting so heavily on my heart, it is just so hard to think of anything else.  I have steps to be taking in other things that are hard to do because of having trouble focusing.  Pray that this will stop after this is over and I have recuperated from it and VBS.  Thank you all for your prayers.

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I need your prayers more than anything right now!  I am praying hard about my situation presently as I am struggling more than ever with a lack of support, help and encouragement as VBS is beginning. Literally I can count on my hand the help I’ve had getting ready for VBS and the encouragement and uplifting I have received. I feel un appreciated more than ever before. Things are going wrong more than ever before.  Today I find out a lady cannot work in VBS because she is sick. She has done no prep work so its not like I can hand it over to someone else very easily.  I am so discouraged.  I am on the verge of just throwing in the towel with no explanation.  I guess that the old saying is true, people don’t know what a good thing they have until it is gone.  That is how they will probably feel about me.  SIgh, it’s sad but true.  I have never felt more miserable and uncertain in my life.  I need things to change so badly, I need closure, I need a new excitement and drive.  I need a new path to take.  I’m begging God to show me.  Please join me in my prayers.

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Do ya’ll ever have that problem?  You’re so tired but you have so much in your head that your trying to remember to do that you can’t make your mind stop working.   That’s been my brain all week, so I have not been able to sleep well.  Hopefully this will stop soon!  After VBS, I hope!  I went to a BeautiControl meeting today! That even put more ideas and things I need to do in my head.  I have GOT to make this business work!  I am starting my DIQ next month!  Pray pray pray my friends!

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Well.. I spoke too soon. I emailed the interim and he doesn’t think that he can make that big of a difference. He wasn’t very assuring and I was not as impressed as I had thought I”d be. I am now, very assured that it is indeed time to step down and move on with my life. I finally shared this with some dear friends in the church lately and tonight shared it with one that I knew didn’t want me to leave, but it is something she’ll just have to accept. We were up at the church decorating for Vacation Bible School till 10:30 tonight and she was with me and so I had a chance to talk with her. My hope and prayer is that she just doesn’t tell anyone. She can sometimes get upset and then she talks to everyone! But I have to trust the LORD that he will keep her tongue from slipping this time! I am sure that I should step down though and I”m going to have to rely on the LORD to provide for us. I am excited that I am also beginning a growth period for my BeautiControl Business. Our unit is doing a SlightEdge challenge where you try and increase your sales by 10% every month for 6 months. THis will drastically increase your sales and business over a 6 month period. I”m excited about that! SO.. I just need your prayers!

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WOW is about all I could say as I walked out of church tonight.  This was the first time in along time that I have walked out of my church smiling.  I have been having a super hard time.  Tonight, our interim pastor held his first meeting with the church counsel and I was impressed with his initiative and administration skills.  He knows what he’s doing obviously.  Then I talked with a deacon who had had him over this afternoon between church and he was telling me how many ideas the interim had and the things he had said he’d wanted to do and everything.  He is really going to make some positive changes that I am VERY impressed with and excited about.  Maybe things will turn around!

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Yesterday, my friend April and I who is also my assistant VBS director, began preparation for Bible School, well I say began, we began months ago but we started getting our decorating organized yesterday and pulled all the decorations out and got a plan on paper.  We have a lot to do and we are going to try and pull it off Monday-Wed. of next week.  Then, the next week we have VBS all week. Its going to be a busy two weeks, and I would appreciate your prayers.  Everytime I go to that Church and work someone comes in and says something rude or ugly and I end up getting my feelings hurt. This happened yesterday and it ruined my day.  I had until that point had a great day!  Why are people so cruel?  Anyway! I am going to do my best.  Because this is for the glory of God and the children. IT is not for those who are trying to bring me down!  So… all you prayer warriors and friends. I am in a battle.  I need your prayers!

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